My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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