I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
