am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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