1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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