So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
