Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
