me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
