I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
