Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
