Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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