i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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