I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
