I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
