@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
