I accidentally had phone sex last night
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
