Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
