im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
