after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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