i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
