my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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