i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
