Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
