Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
