We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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