I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
