Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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