dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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