Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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