It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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