I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
