i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
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Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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