yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
