please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
