I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So here I am, sexting at work.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
