he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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