11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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