Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
