My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
