Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
