when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
