I heard we made out
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
