1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
