12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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