There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
