But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
