tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
