I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
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Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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I need to sanitize my soul.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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