i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize