I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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