i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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