hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
