You're completely useless in the revolution.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
