Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.