So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
