I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.