sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dating After Heartbreak
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult