You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
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how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
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Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick