Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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