i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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