The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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