I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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