I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
