There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
