I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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