if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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