Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
