At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize