so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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