I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
