I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just high enough for therapy.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
