So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
