Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
